I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. Check the NSFW checkbox to enable not-safe-for-work images. A: Rub-a-dub-dub. A: Fort Knox. Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? Q: What do you call getting hit with a fistfull of peanuts. Carnac the Magnificent In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as "Carnac the Magnificent." Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the. The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe . Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. NO ONE! A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. A: Roots. "Answer: Donald, Benji, and Alexis CarringtonRips open envelopeQuestion: Name a duck, mutt, and a ****.Karnak foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan. A: The four musketeers. Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/controllers/Main.php 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. . pre built n scale train layouts. A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. A: 13 Queens Boulevard. , The Question: Why didnt Mrs. Franklin have any kids? May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. May a sick ox make bubbles in your hot tub. A: The big ten. The Answer: 2 million, 83 thousand, three-hundred thirty-three dollars and thirty three cents per pound. [1] seats. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. Starring: Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon; Directed by: Bobby Quinn; The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson - Show Date: 05/24/84. Welcome once again, O Great Sage. May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show Johnny Carson 772K subscribers Subscribe 5.9K 1.1M views 11 years ago Watch Carson episodes every night on. Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's |================================================, Supposedly, the most colorful curse in the world (I don't know whovoted these things in) has something to do with the twenty-four testiclesof the twelve apostles, and originates in one of the Catholic countries ofSouthern Europe. A. Whacka-doo, whacka-doo, whacka-doo. Q: Name three people who like to bomb. A: Roman Gabriel, Lance Ramsell and Howrd Cosell Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his The Question: What is Kamala Harris strange path to the presidency? Q: What do you get from eating in the NBC Commissary? Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. Im Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carsons desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). A: Disjoint. Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? A: Sha-na-na. Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? A: "Oh God!" The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. A: Flyswatter. Q: Describe Raymond Burr's undershorts. Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Youre the straight man. His reign on NBC's Tonight show lasted just a few months short of . May your only daughter take up with a yak of another. Page, Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page. A: The 11th Hour. Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. A: Zippo Marx. A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes, Carnac the Magnificent. Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. Q: What did Jimmy Carter's mother call his first baby Q: What should the oil companies' new slogan be? Along the theme of reverting curses, there is a fascinating mesorah (tradition) handed down from the Vilna Gaon (1720-1797) that all the curses that mankind was cursed after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, will be reverted and changed back to normal at the end of time, except for the curse of the Serpent, who represents the evil force of Amalek, and whose curse shall remain in place until his utter and total destruction. . , The Question: What new rap tune has replaced Hail to the Chief as the presidents walk-up song? This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. (Crowd cheers) #10. . Q: What do people always say when Howard Cosell is on? Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your 2006 | CC. Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). Q: How many football games were televised over Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, The book is {\it May You! Lot Closed - Sold Price: Estimate: $ 400 - $ 600. , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. A: England, France and Greece. How about May an unclean yak sit on your dinner. A: Unleash. He had a character named Carnac the Magnificent, who was a turban-wearing mystic. Carnac the Magnificent: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store? And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. Mouse over chart for play descriptions. nowadays. One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon? Carnac the Magnificent. Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? No more years! ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. dee? Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . Box 4, Folder 47. A: Lady-in-waiting. Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] The Question: Why do they lock gas station restrooms? Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? May your children not forget you as they kneel to pray. The Answer: Kermit the Frog, Shrek, and Al Gore. The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? During one of his infamous animal interactions, Johnny Carson got up close and very personal with a Burmese python. Click here to be a writer! Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue? (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? A list of Carnac the Magnificent puns! The Question: Name a childrens nursery rhyme to be screamed every time Hillary Clinton opens her mouth. Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. . proctologist. A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush Forum Novelties. The Answer: DOJ-CIA-NSA-IRS-AOC-FBI-BIDEN. And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? A: Pipe dream. tooth? As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. There were skits performed such as Carnac the Magnificent, an "all-knowing seer," and the elderly Aunt Blabby. Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). A: Around the world in 80 days. A long running bit on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.Carson would appear in a turban and cloak as "Carnac the Magnificent" . Zippo? The Answer: The Pinocchio Treatment and Recovery Center. The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? ", "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God--but to create him.". Get a random spoof news story. My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? So we see that as we get closer and closer to the Messianic Era when the world will go back to a perfected state, curses are reverting all around us just as the Vilna Gaon predicted. , The Question: What is the oath of office for all politicians? A: Pat and Debby Boone. A: Double trouble. 2004 upper deck baseball cards. Jackie Lynch 242 followers More information May a drunken peasant drive a cartload of potatoes up your scabby nostrilsand may each potato take root and grow till your skull bursts into morepieces than there are anti-Semites in the Ukraine. The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini. A: Earth, Wind and Fire. says? , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? doctors. but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these 1981 | TV-14 | CC. Another ancient Biblical curse that seems to have reverted back to normal is Noahs curse of his son Ham that his descendants (who lived in Africa) shall be slaves to the descendants of Shem and Japheth (who lived in Europe and Asia) - see Genesis 9:25 as slavery in the modern area has been virtually abolished, and even racial discrimination has been greatly diminished thanks to the Civil Rights movement. Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" Q: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants? Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php ), The Question: Who is the largest conservative in the Republican Party? CRITIC "When I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder" ARTIST "How I do it?" CRITIC "No; why you do it." You can always tell the English, You can always tell the Dutch, You can always . A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." The Answer: Hes 97 and we dont know where the hell he is. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. "May your finger get stuck in your nose, and the nail continue to grow", (I have forgotten the origin of this one). Price and other details may vary based on product size and color. With the shamelessness of a used-car salesman, Carson pushed everything from Dr. Pepper to hemorrhoid cream with a Shakespearian twist. A: Fit to be tied. Box 4, Folder 48. Q: What does the Galloping Gourmet do during an earthquake? I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? As Allen acknowledged in his bookThe Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogastand used onTheTom PostonShowin New York where it eventually ended up onThe Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Bob and Steve. A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac. Carnac The Magnificent undated. A: The Loch Ness Monster. (In one episode, technicians rigged Carsons desk to fall apart when Carnac fell into it. The Question: Describe how marriage is a 3-ring circus? Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? says "Having an unclean yak sit on my dinner." The character was introduced in 1964. . May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and borderline mystical way will ascertain the questions having never before seen the answers. After 30 years of hosting The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson said his final farewell on May 22, 1992. This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop. A: 60 Minutes. Q: When will you get to work going 55 miles an hour? , The Question: How do you say Fauci in Mandarin? Q: Name a jewel, a tool and a fool. Here's how it played out on air. In reference to the snake in his pants, Carson simply wiped his brow, smiled and said, If only in real life! Classic! Story. ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" "Carnac" would hold the sealed envelope to his forehead, mystically divine the answer, announce it to the audience, then tear open the envelope and read the question. alley? The Question: Name three things that always tell the truth. The Answer: A Baptist preacher and a College football coach. Q: What do you call a military coup led by General In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. B. CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your Q: What's a rude thing to say when you're dropping a bomb A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and A: The Newlywed Game. Q: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. The Question: Whats the difference between a dollar bill and LeBron James? The resulting jokes often involved puns or wordplay; for example, "The La Brea Tar Pits" was the answer to "What do you have left after eating the La Brea Tar Peaches? A: Superbowl. Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune . McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? us? then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? CARNAC: May an evil genie put splinters in your Aurora , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. -- Mark W FourakerGeorgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332!{akgua,allegra,amd,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo,ut-ngp}!gatech!gitpyr!grampa. The Question: What does Stacy Abrams call Tuesday? The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. A: Ultra-conservative. lets have a big round of applause for Clarnac the Magnificent. A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the The Question: Name six fictional T.V. Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. Feel free to laugh, but beware! Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. tissue. the memoirs of Richard Nixon. cleanup team? The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. Line: 68 compartment in your sister. The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. Q: What do call the clone of a guy named Cy? The Question: What did Rodneys doctor tell him when he asked for a second opinion? A: Ironware. Click image to enlarge. $12.37 delivery Tue, Mar 7 . Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? Margaret's door? A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo. The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs' "Mr. "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? Q: What's good advice to give a Japanese tailor? May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. Line: 107 Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? sister's hooped skirt. In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. A: "Gung Ho!" Next Johnny will retaliate with a "Comedic Curse" such as: "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts" or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister" or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. Make a meme Make a gif Make a chart The Magical Thinking of Trump. After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. Carnac the Magnificent was a role played by Johnny Carson on "The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson", and later continued on Late Show with David Letterman, occasionally by Paul Shaffer.One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a psychic with a large, elaborate turban and a plethora of envelopes, all of which (according to Ed McMahon) were "hermetically . Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that by BMcCJ. The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor. Q: Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race. may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. A: Rat pack. Return to Humor Page Q: What is a mother of 27 children? A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. sister. the audience will cheer. Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. A: Touchback. CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. The Answer: The Senate Intelligence Committee. this year? A: "I never promised you a rose garden." Is that a reptile? A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. questions having never A: Shake-N-Bake. As a child of four can Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners. The Question: Name four traits you have to have to be president in 2022. Previous. Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php There are a couple of ideas I've had to make this and I'm not sure which one would work best - and possibly there are other . A: Double hernia. , The Question: Whats the name of Madonnas latest hit single?

Similarities Between Limited And Unlimited Government, Pottery Barn Gray Wash Stain, Sims 4 Auto Pay Bills Cheat, Articles C