Only ask the gent out during his break or free time. :). The power differential is still theredepending on store management, the customer still may have the power to get this person yelled at/firedbut its a lot less so. A phone number may be voluntarily given later, but should be asked for by saying "hey, I'd like to stay in touch with you" and let her choose out of the variety of contact methods that exist today. Then why the hell were you flirting with me non-stop for days? Id rather meet people doing things Im interested in or through other friends. It's her job to be nice to you, don't mistake this for her giving hints that she's interested in you. And its so true; it can be tricky to know if someone just really likes corn or really likes you. This is exactly what I was coming here to post. Thanks Aaron, Im the OP and appreciate your male perspective on this! I tried to give it an international flavor (ie, here it's generally OK to make smalltalk or jokes if time allows, but that's not the same as asking her out). Ask Amy: Is it still acceptable to refer to men as gentlemen and How to ask cashier out for date - Interpersonal Skills Stack https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2011/03/21/mythcommunication-its-not-that-they-dont-understand-they-just-dont-like-the-answer/. I'm from the midwest and women in service definitely say those words, but it is more commonly heard from older women to younger men I'm gonna go touch some grass, you should too S SargeMaximus You can't pressure a woman into being attracted to you. As a woman, Im also flattered when Im politely asked out, even though I do not accept the invitations (Im married). You want to court her. I think the thing here, is thatlike someone posted upthreadhitting on versus asking out and what constitutes the line between them is subjective. Basically, its not the question that is the problem but the power dynamics and concern for what might happen if you reject them given those power dynamics. But regardless of where the pendulum swings, they are stuck behind that counter, so theres a power issue. Citation please Im genuinely interested in this, Studies have actually found that men are just as capable as women at understanding nonverbal communication/soft nos. (Im female, btw, and the employee in question is male. We met a few more times for drinks and visiting expos but no further attraction developed, so nothing else happened. Why did DOS-based Windows require HIMEM.SYS to boot? and our It's usually pretty busy when I see her there so I both a) don't want to hold shit up trying to chat, And b) don't want to be "that guy" especially in front of a bunch of people. Learning how to read the defense, Al Haitham Genshin is 8 years old. Seriously, how do you ask out a cute cashier (F) without being "that My main concern was that I didnt want to put this person in an uncomfortable position or jeopardize his job, and what youve recommended sounds like it would work so thanks very much for the advice :), Oops, that was supposed to be a response to and we danced from the ocean. We never talked beside "hello". She has an easy escape: "Back to work, bye". Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I also made sure none of his co-workers or any customers were nearby. It's also good to sanity-check your own motivations. But STILL. At the end of the day, Im with Captain Awkward. She declined, and he drove by her as she was walking to the bus stop and rolled down his window and asked her again if she wanted a ride. The last time I was in, I said it was weird we didnt know each others names by now, so I told her mine and got hers and the other cashiers she was talking to. On my first day of teaching ever. Later, on hearing about it, my nasty coworker who was a demoted ex-manager told me that I shouldnt have been rude to a customer. So I can definitely imagine a manager who would expect someone in a customer service position to say yes to keep the customer. Then later on phone jobs I got asked out every once in a while and used the same excuse. I have to admit I had NO idea that this was a *thing* with retail employees. At one library where I worked, we were actually told to stop wearing our nametags because there was so much of this. The waitress could have said oh, hes off the market or he gets number all the time and is sick of it or something like that so it would avoid the embarrassing interaction if there wasnt a chance for a positive outcome. There's an implicit power imbalance between customer and employee. She did fret for quite a bit over whether she was misreading general customer-facing friendliness for flirting, or whether he really was interested in her, but only platonically. Would you feel flattered? I do not so much when it happens to me. I agree with everything you said. But if she's more sensitive, even this will upset her, freak her out and make her uncomfortable every time she has to help you again. Hello, OP here. After the date has ended, be sure to follow up with your date by sending them a text or calling them; this will show that you are interested and care about them. As a consequence, we have to have our radar on all the time, because we have no idea which are the jerks/creeps/violent sexual offenders until they get jerky/creepy/assault us. There is some amazing advice here, from so many perspectives. Oh, sure. To make things fun between both of you, suggest interesting date spots or events that neither of you may have experienced before such as an outdoor picnic or exploring an undiscovered corner of your city! ), then drop it, and to me, its no big deal. Im sure there are plenty of wonderful people who have found their partner by asking someone out while they are at work, but Im also sure there are plenty of people who have found partners by asking out their employeesthat doesnt mean the power dynamic isnt there, and that we should generally caution against it as a result. I think people sometimes forget that retail employees are supposed to act like this, but then, a lot of people assume that if a woman is smiling at you, shes obviously interested in you, so. What the worst that could happen from politely and not creepily seeing what happens next from this real world connection? if you go and she's not there, why not ask someone she works with if the girl is single.. do you know her name?? You can only do this is you wont be crushed by rejection and you wont be weird the next time you go to the store. As an anecdote, we recently had an emergency drill that involved several different departments at my place of employment. And Id probably be sure to check in on Swarm so thered be a record of it. It has to be something any random girl would find enjoyable all by itself even if you weren't involved. If only 1% of the population are creeps and you have 200 people come into your store each day, that means that you need to deal with 2 creeps every single day. +1. Working retail, this happens so, so frequently that it stops being flattering and becomes another work annoyance that you have to deal with, plus the unease of not knowing how someone is going to react if you reject them. She eventually ended up asking if she could add him on Facebook and then sent him a Facebook invite to a party she was having, which he showed up to with a date. Hitting on people who depend on you for tips is low. I would even say that depending on the size and style of the shop (i.e. The OP posts an innocuous I see you every day at the 7-11 and I think youre cute but the employee thinks she posted the one that lists off 200 acts the Kama Sutra never dreamed of. has the world just gotten that much more creepy? ? pile. Hes rung me up (cash register, not phone) multiple times and weve done the usual chitchat, and when Im at his store he very obviously stares at me and often pops up in the areas that Im shopping in. Not eHarmony, they discriminate against gays and lesbians. Hey, this looks like "try this" solution, could you add why using this technic is good and will work? For example: "I like to grab lunch here before going to [Public Event You Enjoy]". I wonder if anyone has ever gathered real data on this? do I need to wear nylons to a job interview or are bare legs OK? Most importantly, if you see that she doesn't want to engage in a conversation with you, do not insist. If you ever finish early and want to join me for a cup of coffee, let me know. Something that puts the ball in the employees court without putting pressure for them to come up with a polite on-the-spot rejection. I dont feel very comfortable or happy rejecting people. (I was visiting my hometown, where he worked, but I lived pretty far away.). Can you help me?" We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Correct. This will not get you a natural reaction and is prone to outside interaction from her co-workers and such. Back to the prerequisites of whimsy. And don't stand there making big puppy dog eyes and blubbering while you wait for her answer, just "see ya" and leave. I used to work at a library too and we were always told not to give out our full names and to be vigilant of patrons. Haha I like that! Be casual, play it cool and do not put pressure on it, and Im saying this because I think youll go through with it. Also, the OP doesnt need to overthink: the answer is almost certainly no. Hes probably being nice to the OP because being nice to customers is part of his job. factors in her favor: -she is a very nice, polite person who would definitely have apologized and avoided ever going to that coffee shop again if he seemed offended or creeped out Secretarial positions suck for this, too for what Im sure are the same reasons. What should I follow, if two altimeters show different altitudes? I know I have a weirdly strong opinion on this, but no. You really have to go with your gut, I think. When I was in college, I had a crush on my bank teller because I was there fairly regularly and we always chitchatted and flirted. That was 8 years ago. But this isnt two people meeting in public. Its public for the customer but a workplace for the employee. Or, just be a little more obvious about YOUR flirting; hang there beside him just to talk to him, and then watch is body language; is he glad of it, or does he start to get antsy or pull away after a polite interval. the flipside of male privilege men get to generally live their lives without an underlying fear of being rapedbut once in a while that fear comes in real handy. but its great that you remained friendly. Wrong. It is not out of the realm of possibility that someone might make a complaint, factual or otherwise, about a retail worker who turned him/her down. OP: I think most people can tell when there is some genuine interest going on. Another way might be something along the lines of: Its always nice to chat with you [name.] So cool how well they turned out. How to ask someone you see regularly out on a date, without making it awkward? Flirting doesnt bother me as long as the conversation doesnt get gross or rude. If she did say "no" or not respond, after that interaction as you continue to go to the market, just behave casually as you normally would and if you go through her line be polite and friendly but with no expectations. She thought he was attractive and they got on well. My friend once slipped her number to a butcher at a supermarket and they ended up married. :( Hitting on generally is either straight-up propositioning or coming in sideways. I didnt know there was a section in Craigslist like that. In the last few years, Ive had men ask me out, and although flattering, theyre usually significantly older than me (40s and 50s even) and it puts me in a very awkward position of turning them down. Lets have coffee when you get off work seems to be the go-to line. He didnt have any way of knowing that his asking me out was going to be such an issue for me, but it still made work awkward and scary for a while, and I did my best to avoid him from then on. So I guess its possible for these things to work out. A: After your date, maintain good posture by being respectful and honest with your words as well as your actions. Try it if you meet somewhere else. And Ive just finished my milk.. A lot of males who work in retail treat their job like the Bachelor and its extremely frowned on. Make yourself stupid by doing something (without lowering your integrity). My band is playing at the Speakeasy Thursday night and it'll be our first performance all year. I don't believe I do haha. I felt like if something could prod him to say that, I must not have imagined it.). Make sure to be clear about your intentions and always make sure that the cashier is comfortable with what you are asking. WebTalk about what you're going to make with your items. Again, not altruism: it's in our interest; the path to "why not?" If I helped, Im glad! The worst that could happen to whom? Therefore, don't ask her when her shift ends, or to meet in the rapey spot at the back of the parking lot, after her shift, when it's all dark and gloomy. Assuming you have written your number in that note, she will text/call you if she is interested, otherwise you should not try to do anything more. It only takes a minute to sign up. It is best to be direct and honest when asking someone out. Youre not. How To Ask A Cashier Out? - urbnfresh.com If youre friendly and encouraging about it, welcoming, then his response will tell you. The Im having a party, stop by if youd like does seem like a good possible compromiseI think its because thats phrasing the request in such a way that the burden isnt on the employee to say no. Try to see this from her point of view. To clarify, I was talking about adult students, but still. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. I think the difference was that while he complimented me plenty, it was never about my appearance or anything physical. Whoa, is Missed Connections still a thing? When asking out a cashier, it is important to always put yourself in their shoes and be respectful of their feelings. A new cashier joined my local food shop. Don't look like you're gonna make a scene and attract the attention of her boss! Im not interested. I would strongly advise you do neither of these things. I was a bartender for many years and the worst thing about my job was the endless flirting and customers asking me out on dates. It sounds like hes just good at being a retail employee. That is a concern I had thought of. It was awkward, but I realize now that Im probably better off. That said, if the OP is a woman interested in a man, her odds of him going psychotic on her are a lot lower than in the reverse, so she might have better luck. Would it really be flattering if you got asked out at work? just take your chance and be yourself you have nothing to lose.. you never know she might just be waiting for you to ask. A lot of managers will take the word of the customer over their employee, so it is not out the realm of possibility to be written up for that complaint. I went to the same drive-thru for YEARS and had a crush on the guy who worked there. But what is your advice? 2) I would be told wow you actually play video games? while striking up a conversation trying to get the customer to reserve an upcoming title or subscribe to our magazine or whatever. Well, we have to also figure out if the customer service involves tipping or not. # About As long as she's doing anything related to her job (which does involve commuting to and from her home) you leave her alone. Having people try to flirt or ask me out when I was behind a cash register was the worst. Hes at work. How can I check the time on my smartphone without looking self-important? Sometimes its just part of the job. I got hit on by so many men when I was 16ish that could have been my father. Need help with your relationship? Find out something This will show the cashier that you are serious about your intentions of asking them out. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Here's my number'. Since the store is just 5 min away from my place I visit regularly and don't want to leave a bad impression there. Canadian of Polish descent travel to Poland with Canadian passport. To an extent, we cant help it. My older sister took a bank teller job when I was in my early teens and I recall her complaining of guys hitting on her simply because she was pleasant in manner and appearance. How to reinitiate conversations online with stranger taking long to answer my mail. Point is, right now they don't, and men "doing our usual" isn't going to move the needle. My guess is that the OP is a man, simply because men (of all orientations) are more likely to hit on service employees than women are. Still, +1 for your analysis and advice to the OP. Love the cheese fries line. Get to know her (over a few visits to the grocery store) and in the process find somethings she's into. Its not about all men being big scary monsters, its about trying to avoid situations that put you at a disadvantage in case someone does turn out to be a monster. I declined. How To Read Offense In Madden 21? very early in the morning, to find a moment in which the supermarket is emptier than the norm. There's a reason advances are looked down upon in these situations: it's not about the no/yes, it's about the fact that the likelihood of an honest answer being expected or given in such a situation is low, close to impossible. If you like cheese fries maybe you should stop by, Oh, I didnt even think about the maybe you should stop by, and thats great. Yes I definitely want to be cool about it and subtle and your story is inspiring! She wound up finally, after months, during one of their rounds of banter, writing down her number and giving it to him and saying something like if he wanted to get to know her outside the coffee shop, he could text her, but if he didnt that was fine too. This shouldn't stop you from being nice to the cashier, or the post/tax office girl. Each party is still evaluating the other.). There is a certain subset of people who enjoy exerting their power over people in customer service positions, and a fair number of men in that subset will flirt with women in customer service as a means of exerting that power. I hope you have the common sense to not stalk her, to find out where she lives or what she does in her free time just to find a loophole and ask her there. It was more of a problem dealing with the guys that worked nearby and shoppers in public areas. I realize this situation is reversed, but when I was single if I was asked out at the center the answer was, Im sorry, thats not allowed. Also, you werent allowed to give out your contact information either. I dont really care how kind you are or subtle about itits still off-putting. it's happened to me before, and the guy ended up being my bf for 2 yrs awww.. that was surely sweet. Thanks for your perspective on this Bri because this is something that I was really wondering about. And Says shes tired? Hahaha. WebIf a cashier asks out a customer, its easier for the customer to shop at another store or time. Or cheese fries because my friend bailed. There's no freedom of motion for her.

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