And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Thank God for that. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. But the durability of Carlins material can be dangerous, too. The people are fucked. George Carlin, Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. I think the life cycle is all backwards. Those would shine through, even in his darkest stuff.. Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. Johnny Carson Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. He didnt just make people laugh. Thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with us! For the most part, Carlin left behind no protgs or appointed successors. I had an imaginary friend. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. George Carlin, Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, I think people should be allowed to do what they want. He was a master of observational humor and his take on death was both hilarious and thought-provoking. "Meow" means - "Come attend my needs hooman! Quote by George Carlin: Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, d (?) Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. The following statement is true. It is a daily battle for me, said Kelly Carlin, the comedians daughter. George Carlin Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. What do you get at the end of it? And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The continuing relevance of Carlins material is partly a result of how he learned to compose and refine it over a career that spanned nearly 50 years. Period. His first marriage ended disastrously when his first wife died of a heart attack not long after one of his beatings. It will be Nikesneakers and Smiley shirts. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, By and large, languageis a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres theself-helpsection? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. George Carlin, I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. But it's so hard not to argue. The people are fucked., Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readteach them to question everything that they readteach them to question everything. George Carlin, Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose., I don't have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds., Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. They should be giving their money to you., There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. We're goin' away. 70 Wise Quotes From George Carlin | Inspirationfeed When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Weve learned how to make aliving, but not alife. Its still bracing to hear the bitter wordplay in his lament: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it., When he spoke, you always felt like you were hearing the truth, or his truth, said the comedian Bill Burr. George Carlin. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. You have owners. But don't participate; it will be your death. A headline in that Saturday's New York Post said "Hot, sticky, rainy weekend begins. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm., Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist., I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. He had a pure disdain and loathing for white men in America.. George Carlin What do dogs do on their day off? What if I want to have a crappy day?, "That'd be easy. When you die, it all stays here. Teach them to question what they read. Whereas George was always making things totally accessible., (Even in her fathers later years, Kelly Carlin said, if he had an idea for a topical joke, rather than put it in his act, he would share them with people like the broadcaster Keith Olbermann, who was then the host of Countdown on MSNBC. "Life Is Worth Losing". Carlin at a benefit for the Bitter End in New York in 1992. Kelly Carlin said she could understand why audiences might long for her fathers particular brand of unvarnished honesty at this moment. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin Was Right, About the Death Penalty and Bankers But dont participate; it will be your death. 12 Charming Hand Lettered Quotes by Neil Tony Porter, 40 of the Greatest Nikola Tesla Quotes to Unleash Your Passion, Showcase of E-Commerce/Sport Website Designs, 45+ Enlightening Quotes and Pieces of Advice, Inspirational & Spiritual Quotes From (365) Days of Tumblr, 40 Progressively Inspirational Sevenly.org Quotes, 45 Inspiring Quotations That Will Change The Way You Think #2, 8 Ways to Know If You Have a Lifelong Friend, 5 Tips To Keep In Mind Before Hiring a Therapist Online, comedy about a singer who pretends to be a nun, friday funny motivational quotes for work, funny quotes about stupidity and ignorance, george carlin don t sweat the small stuff, george carlin on god the planet and the freak show, george carlin sayings that don t make sense, i dont want nobody fucking with me in these streets, positive funny inspirational quotes for work, quotes about getting screwed over at work. This is what we have to offer. My dad was pro-science, pro-rational thinking, pro-evidence-based medicine. George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. It takes up a lot of your time. But a new two-part HBO documentary, George Carlins American Dream, which will be shown May 20 and 21, illustrates how his professional trajectory consisted of numerous ups and downs multiple efforts to rediscover his voice and refine his material when his personal radar detected he was out of step with the times. Give reason to hope. You should die first, get it out of the way. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.. Political discourse has been reduced to "Where's the beef?" I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. During his 50-year career, irreverent comedian George Carlin stood in front of his audiences, questioning, condemning, and cutting through what he called "middle class crap." Maybe George Carlin really did have the right idea. August 1936. The separations were long because my father had trouble metabolizing alcohol. ', He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly., Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that., The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that., We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. He died from heart failure in 2008, survived by his second wife Sally Wade, and his daughter, Kelly. I mean, it doesn't hurt to try ;), Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it., War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die., Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.. 40 George Carlin Quotes On Pride, American Dream | Turtle Quotes These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death., At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom., The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Fueled by her love for oversized hoodies, weightlifting, Girl in Red, and Arcane, this exuberant Italian tries her best to bring some fun energy to Bored Panda's content. Its a natural part of life, but it can be difficult to deal with when someone close to us dies. Nearly 14 years after his death, his provocative humor has been embraced by people across the political spectrum. It just becomes something more entertaining. George Carlin Death, Suicide, Stupid Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. if you think too much, question too much or rabblerouse the numb c***s in charge of your existence and consumption. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. We don't even know how to take care of ourselves; we haven't learned how to care for one another. Whats going on now is not that fight. Today, he said, we live in a world where anybody can really say what they want, whether anyone believes that or not., While Carlin would still probably be dissatisfied with the state of free speech today, Maron said, his barbs would have been aimed at the corporate occupation of discourse, with digital monoliths like Google, Facebook and Twitter dictating how culture thrives and is consumed., And if a comedian wants to claim freedom of speech while using words that others deem hateful, Maron said, you can say them all you want youre probably just going to be hanging around people who enjoy that kind of stuff. Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. And if they tell you you're not a team player, congratulate them on being observant., I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to But, she added, if youre a comedian, youve got to be funny., If youre going to take the audience over the line, youve got to construct things in a way that theyre willingly crossing it with you, she said. He was ahead of his time and has been an inspiration to upcoming comics for years. Lol, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?, and anyone driving the same speed as you is a copycat /j, Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body., So you're saying that I have to eat joy to be happy? As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money., Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers., I guess that's why they want to ban abortion, because it's the ones who can't afford to take care of child that it affects. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote If George Carlin were around now to respond to the questions we have for him, he would have schooled us on both sides and come up with a third-way truth that would have blown our minds, she said. We respect your privacy. George Carlin Quotes on Religion, Politics, Government & Life (My older brother, Patrick, can't say the same.) 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Deal with it.. WebGeorge Carlin Quotes on Death & Dying (4 Quotes) Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time,George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. Death is a topic that many people are afraid to talk about. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death., I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam., Some people see the glass half full. Your purchase helps support NPR programming. He had an uncanny ability to cut through the clutter of everyday life, and for this, we want to honor this man with our favorite inspirational quotes from George Carlin. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? When you die, it all stays here. WebNobody "owns" anything. Maybe a little Styrofoam. Carlin, the cantankerous, longhaired sage who used his withering insight and gleefully profane vocabulary to take aim at American hypocrisy, died in 2008. Try spelling Evian backward. We havent tried that for a while. Teach them to question everything. 3. Or the more caring, sensitive "Brace yourself, Agnes!". The odds against my future existence were even longer: this particular weekend was a single isolated sex-fest during a marital separation that had lasted more than a year. Nobody owns anything. Top 16 George Carlin Religious Quotes in 2023 - QuotesGeeks And while the generations of stand-ups that have followed may have a sincere reverence for him, that doesnt necessarily mean they are fluent in the jokes he told. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.. Documentary, Comedy, 2005. They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. Keep your circle small. George Carlin At a formal dinner party, A lot of us know that youre supposed to say Carlin is an influence, but I dont think a lot of us can back that up, the comedian Nikki Glaser said. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. The planet is fine. It strengthened our immune systems. Never join a group that has a name. and so very appropriate post 9-11. ", Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. I felt it was important that people not use him to undermine what we needed to do to get through this virus, she said. Dont give your money to the church. George Carlin Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together Property is theft. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get firedand get paid just enough not to quit. George Carlin, Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. George Carlin, If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, Theres no present. This Artist Reimagines Studio Ghibli Movies Into Stunning Watercolor Paintings, And Here Are 14 Of Them, Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Woman Pays A Lot Of Money For A Comfortable Seat On The Train, Elderly Woman Wants Her To Move, AITA? He drank, he got drunk, he hit people. Ooops! I get just a *little* nervous in any state where they mention death right on the license plate. Another failed mutation; another closed-end biological mistake.. Keep your circle small. Getting conceived had been hard enough. They own, and control the corporations. But he was also critical of Democrats and guilty white liberals, while he endorsed other ideas that conservatives supported. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Maher invoked the comedian George Carlin, Teach them to question everything. Carlins personal politics were readily identifiable. Death may seem like an insurmountable obstacle, but there are plenty of people out there who have found ways around this challenge-including George Carlin himself. Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. As he explained in a 1997 interview on The Chris Rock Show, he essentially saw himself as a playful provocateur. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! A Death! Cause we swam in raw sewage. Maron contended that free-speech conflicts have shifted since Carlins era in such a way that it doesnt make sense to drag Carlin back into them. When the sun returns, I will resume my life. Theres a strange afterlife that Carlin enjoys, not just as a comic but also as a moral compass. His death was a huge loss to the comedy world. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Something is definitely wrong. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. I grew up in New York wanting to be like those funny men in the movies and on the radio, Mr. Carlin said. There is a mistake in the text of this quote. Carlins rueful 1996 routine about conservatives opposition to abortion (they will do anything for the unborn, but once youre born, youre on your own) became a newly viral phenomenon and was shown on a recent broadcast of the MSNBC program 11th Hour. A video clip of a Carlin bit about how Americans are ravenous for war (so were good at it, and its a good thing we are were not very good at anything else anymore!) has been tweeted by Representative Ilhan Omar, Democrat of Minnesota. Property is theft. Its not something you can pretend to make happen. ', Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this asshole outta here!". What gave him his potency, Gunderson said, was that he turned his standup into a call to action. Carlin, she said, taught everyone where to find the power that they have and encouraged them to use it.. Hes a man who looked forward and said, This is not going to end well. He saw the chaos coming.. Start writing! Where are the assassins when we really need them? Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. 4. Kelly Carlin said her father always took the stand that more speech is better than less speech and would have supported Chappelles right to perform the special. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. We're gonna save the fuckin' planet? Remembering his wisdom could make your journey through grief just a little bit easier than expected. Did you enjoy this article? In fact the preceding six years of my parents' marriage had consisted entirely of long separations, punctuated by sudden brief reconciliations and occasional sex-fests. Trouble is, most of them suck., Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out., If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor., One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor., If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?, Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean that the circus has left town., The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. Herb Ball/NBCU Photo Bank, via Getty Images. This is funny, but if the entire plane were engineered the way black boxes are, it would not be able to fly. 2023 Inspirationfeed. Kelly Carlin cautioned that we should not be too beholden to any of the messages in her fathers stand-up: Of course George Carlin believed in much of what he said onstage, but what mattered most to him was that audiences learned to think for themselves. You have no choice. When she's not crafting articles, Melanie's eyes are still glued to a screen be it binge-watching her favorite TV shows, leveling up in video games, or learning Spanish with her trusty sidekick, Duolingo. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. He would do that every decade or so, said Judd Apatow, the comedian and filmmaker who directed the documentary with Michael Bonfiglio. Interestingly, this is also the duty of the science fiction author. ', I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. Being considered as one of the top

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